thoughts, nerves, and excitement...oh my

when you leave a job you love, your heart hurts, your nerves spike, and you enter a world of “what the f*ck is about to happen.” you being…me

i’m (mostly) past my gear obsession phase and now it’s waiting for said overly-obsessed-over-gear to arrive to my childhood home. i’ve gotten some stuff that had a 12 week lead time and whew, that’s a good amount of time. i won’t be training with the said gear, so here’s to hoping it comes by the time i get back home and can do a shakeout hike or two.

i’ll be honest with both you and me in these update posts. today’s honesty brings: i am simultaneously so nervous and so excited. i’ve consumed hours of youtube videos + podcasts, read countless blogs + reddit threads, texted all my friends, but i am nervous. the fun fact about me, is my brain continues to say “what if…” what if you get hurt? what if you’re too weak? what if the current snow (or lack thereof) makes this year a bad hiking year? what if…

but i want to shift this mindset. what if you’re preparing just right? what if you can make it through hard things and be okay? what if you will be okay? i could have endless anxieties about what could happen, but i need to focus on what i can do now, to best prep myself to accept what the trail brings. HYOH – hike your own a hike is lingo that folks adopt to do just as the name implies, and hike their own hike. i am blessed to have some of the most athletic, speedy, and boss a$$ friends who attacked the trail with speed and finesse. but i need to remember that i will be hiking my own hike and to not compare my days to their days. my miles to their miles.

anywho, just a small smattering of thoughts i’m having this evening, as i pack up from my month off and head back to work for these last three months.